So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
