literally had 100 drinks last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
