I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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