I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
