It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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