Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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