What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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