the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
