Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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