The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
