Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
