we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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