So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
