I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
