I puked a lego.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
