You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
