chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
