Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
