i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
