Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize