we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
