You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
