the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
