at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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