people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
