I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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