Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am midnight drunk by noon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
