yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
