you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
