i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
