I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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