If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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