its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
