I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
