Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
