Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize