Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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