Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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