If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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