There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
