3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
