Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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