just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
