Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
