I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
