Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
