when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
