YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize