where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
