the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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