I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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