Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
