Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
