Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
