I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
