I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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