lets start a swedish sibling band together
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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