I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
