yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
