They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
