I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize