i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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