So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm having to shit out rocks
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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