Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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