omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they're like a gay fantastic four
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
