i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
