I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
