Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
