I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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