I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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