my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
