You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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