I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
