dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
