Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He did a backflip because drugs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
