I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize