Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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