Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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