I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
