I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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