Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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