You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
