Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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