so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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