508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
