Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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