btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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