she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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