my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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