I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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