this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize