Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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