why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
