"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize