I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize